Atu

Our Sister

Atu has been working for the Anglican Church since her youth. She had gotten a scholarship from the church to study nursing and served in the church dispensaries (there are 3 right now in our Diocese of Ruaha) after graduation. She is the gentlest person I have ever met and when she showed us how to treat patients, she would always speak in a slow and soft voice, saying, “We have to be gentle and encouraging because the person is very important and special.” She is a wealth of knowledge and experience in nursing and in all aspects of life. I am honored to work with her and to know her. Atu raises a 4 year-old daughter, Bertha single-handedly while working full-time at the dispensary. As mentioned before, I have never once heard her complain about her life here. She says, “God gives me the strength I need.” Sacha and I have grown close to Atu and Bertha throughout our days here. We are always over for a tea, a chat, or a meal. We like to cook and share our meals together at each others’ houses.

We have always expressed concern about the understaffed situation in the dispensary, especially to the Anglican Church. However, it is hard to find nurses and doctors who want to stay in this village long-term and they are trying their best. Everyone wants to work for the government hospitals. We felt that it is unhealthy for Atu and Gwivaha to work as much as they do. Sooner or later, they will burn out.

For Atu, it seems that endurance has become her second nature. Since her days at the nursing school, she had small benign (non-cancerous) tumor growths on the right side of her face. Throughout the years, she had 8 operations to remove the tumors. Her largest operation was last summer. The tumor had grown to the size of a football on her right side that her lips drooped down and she could not turn her neck. We hoped that it would be her last surgery. Each surgery is another burden for her and her family. What remains now is a face with one side sunken and horribly scarred. Without knowing her history, some people may be horrified by seeing her face. As we get to know her, we barely notice the scars, but we see a gentle, loving Atu who has become our big sister. She has such a golden heart that she looks beautiful to us.

It was not until two days ago that I had heard the news that Atu has another tumor growing inside her mouth. She felt the tumor since the end of February and decided to observe. She did not tell anyone, not even her family about this. Just two days ago, she resolved to announce her condition to us and to the church staff, so they can arrange a replacement nurse to take her position while she goes for treatment in Dar Es Salaam. She asked us and Andrew and Miriam to help her. Andrew and Miriam had helped and supported her through her surgery last year. Days before her disclosure, Sacha and I both sensed that Atu was more easily frustrated and stressed than normal. In January, Atu had gone to Dar Es Salaam to test for new tumor growth and the results showed no sign of it. She was relieved but upon her return, told me that she was skeptical and was worried her tumor would come back. She was worried about Bertha. She was worried about her parents, about being a burden to them. Moreover, she was tired. She did not have the energy or even the emotional strength to face another potentially unsuccessful surgery.

I have noticed that people do not cry or shed tears in the village. Maybe it is true throughout Tanzania, but I have not seen one adult cry in all my days here. It was two nights ago, sitting in Atu’s living room after dinner. It was the day I found out about her condition and the next day Sacha and I were heading back to Iringa. When I heard the news from Sacha that afternoon, my heart just sunk and I remained quiet until we cooked and went over to Atu’s house. We talked about this, shared our concerns and Atu was as composed as usual, showing us her tumor (about the size of a small walnut). Then, after dinner, I told Atu that we’d like to pray for her. As Sacha and I prayed with Atu, we held Atu’s hands so tightly. We prayed that we did not understand all that has happened, but that Jesus went through all the pain she is going through. He understands. It was the first time I saw Atu cry. She put her hands on her face and just bawled. We held her close and she cried in our arms. Bertha woke up and started screaming when she saw her mother in tears. She was afraid and confused. Sacha quickly hugged her and she went back to sleep. I just cried with Atu. We sat there, not saying one word. There was nothing to say. She had such a heavy load on her heart. In the silence, we carried each others’ burdens.

There was peace, a strange peace in the time of quietness, God has heard us. And there we were, accepting this thing called life. Yes, we are accepting it because it has happened to us, not because we have given up hope. We have each other, we have Jesus who walks with us and loves us. We have strength to face what’s ahead.

Please pray for Atu and her family, for comfort throughout these days, and for healing.